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My Take on Spirituality and Marriage


     I have been walking the awakened path for over two years now, and I have to say that I have enjoyed learning about myself, about being centered and grounded, about manifestation, self love, and seeing tao in all things (or all things in Tao, depending on how you look at it). When the awakening process began, my greatest teacher (like many reading this, I would wager) was the internet. I found many YouTube videos of Stuart Wilde, Wayne Dyer, Alan Watts, Louise Hay, and many others to help me. Instagram provided me with a lot of memes and pictures with helpful information. The internet was where I found out about books such as The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and The Surrender Experiment by Michael Sanger. I came to view myself and the world in a brand-new light. 

     However, I also noticed some disturbing philosophies that I think will be harmful to people who follow them. For this post, I am going to single out the pervading online spiritual philosophy of marriage.
     I would say that the majority of the philosophies I have heard set forward by the spiritual experts (some whom I greatly admire) can be boiled down to this: If you are in a marriage and you are not happy, it means that you have both grown apart spiritually. You are each following your own spiritual quest, and it is totally okay if your separate quests lead you to divorce. You must love each other enough to allow the other to go tgeir own way.

     This sounds nice on the outside, but I have to call B.S. on it. I find that the majority of teachers who say this have been through multiple marriages themselves, so of course they say that. Let someone who is very much in love with the one woman he ever married tell you this: Marriage is a lot of work, a lot of fights, a lot of love, and totally worth everything it takes to keep it together.

     I find it to be a very powerful ego trip to say "I guess we're just growing apart spiritually so we'll just separate." And obviously, the ego believes you are going on to a higher vibration than your marriage partner. It's never the other way round. Let me suggest instead that the two of you work together to solve whatever issues are in the marriage no matter how hard it is. There's a hell of a lot more spiritual growth that will come of that than will ever come from a divorce.

     I knew two people who were in an unhappy marriage. They decided to stick it out for the sake of their children. Years later, they found they were very much in love. The man eventually passed on, and I still know the woman. I know she greatly misses her man. A hasty divorce is a quick, expensive fix, but it's nothing compared to a hard won, satisfied love life.

     Then there's the narcissist memes. Have you seen those? "Ten signs you've married a narcissist." I
truly do not believe there's anything to be gained spiritually from these. In fact, I would say these are the most narcissistic memes I have ever seen. They say much more about the poster than the supposed narcissist it targets.

     Yes, there are times when a divorce has to happen. That especially true if there is abuse going on. But if you are in an ugly, loveless marriage, I want you to take heart. I truly believe there is nothing two people can't work out if they commit to making a marriage last. I can guarantee that things DO get better. Never give up on the person you committed to. Love and support them.

     What is the secret to a happy marriage? Commitment. Love. Those two things will make a happy love life for a husband and wife. You have my guarantee on this.


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